The Return of the King

For the past few weeks, I've been thinking about manhood in our society. I've been thinking of the many ways men have been wronged by the feminist movement, and how they have been driven to retreat into the recesses of adolescence. Recently, a video from members of the clergy and laity encouraging men to man up and start to lead again in society, made the rounds on social media.  The premise of the video is that a lot of the troubles in society today stem from the lack of male leadership and male presence in our homes, schools, and churches. We are withering as a society because of the lack of men. Physically, there are men all around us, but  spiritually, emotionally, and psychologically, there is an absence of true male leadership.

 The title of this blog post is a reference to the Lord of the Rings. If you recall, Aragorn  has not stepped into his birthright or his lineage and has been living in the wild as a Ranger. There is a scene where Elrond, the father of the woman he loves encourages him to "put aside the Ranger.  Become who you were born to be." It is this manly encouragement as well as the love of a pure and good woman that transforms Aragorn. He steps into the role and by the end of the series, he truly embodies a king. There is also a verse in scripture that I love. The more I think about it or hear it, the more I think about the role of men and how they are truly called to be leaders.

"It is the glory of God to conceal a matter. To search out a matter is the honor of kings."

To me, that scripture validates the honor and privilege that men have in being leaders.   God in his infinite goodness provides everything we need, sometimes hiding or veiling the very things that he longs to give us. But the one who persists in prayer, and "searches out a matter" will receive honor and favor. I know that I am taking the scripture somewhat out of context, as it was not referring to a man finding a wife, but I find this scripture very apropos for relationships.  In the areas of courtship and marriage, scripture is very clear that it is the man's responsibility to pursue.  Even our bodies confirm this truth. Man by his physical nature is designed to give while women by their physical nature are called to receive. This may seem like a simple biological reality, but it takes on profound meaning in the area of love and marriage.

Elisabeth Elliot, the author whose quote inspired the title of this blog,  is dogged and her belief that the initiation of relationships must come from the man. It's not because a woman is too delicate. It's not because she's trying to set women back. It's simply because she recognizes that the greatest honor and glory to both God and man can only come from following our true natures.  While I'm waiting for my own King, I'm praying that God will prepare me to be a worthy Queen. I'm also praying that he will be courageous enough to pursue, and that I will have the grace to receive with humility.

What Women Can Learn from Princesses

Who doesn't remember  being spoon-fed growing up on the tales of Disney princesses?  They were beautiful and pure young women, often facing tough life circumstances.  Yet, there was always love in their lives (sometimes in the form of animals or talking teacups!) and waiting for them was a gallant Prince to save them from whatever circumstances they faced.

Often, the Princess genre is geared towards girls and young women.  I think grown women--especially those who are waiting for "true love's kiss"--have a lot to learn from Princesses, although not necessarily the Disney variety.  Let me expound. . .

What makes a woman a Princess?  What are the qualities of a Princess that we can emulate?

1. She is a Princess simply because she is a daughter of the King.  Full stop.  She is born a Princess.  Yes, she has to be raised in the lifestyle of a Princess and be taught the mindset of a Princess, but even if she was abducted and raised outside of the castle walls, she would still be a Princess of the blood.  In the old European courts of France, royalty were often ranked and distinguished by whether or not they were Princesses du sang (of the blood) or de la marriage (by marriage).  If you are of the royal blood, you will always be a Princess.

2. She has full confidence in her father, the King.  She trusts that he " has plans for welfare and not for calamity, to give you a future and a hope" (Jet 29:11).  He is aware of the desires and longings of his daughter's heart.  And she knows that she can trust him with those longings and he will bring them to fruition in his own timing.

3. Having been raised by a King, she knows how to recognize the characteristics of a King in the men in her life.  She knows how to encourage a man and not bring him down.  She knows that her words are powerful and she never uses them as weapons to emasculate a man.  She "does him good and not evil, all the days of her life" (Prov 31:12).

4. A Princess knows when to submit to the authority figures in King's court.  She understands protocol and that although she may technically outrank someone by virtue of her being "of the blood," she knows that "without consultation, plans are frustrated.  But with many counselors, they succeed."  Like Esther, on her journey to becoming Queen, she submits to the instruction of a "Hegai" in her life (Esther 2:15).

5. Although a Princess has access to the finest clothing, jewels, makeup, etc, she knows that those qualities don't give her royal stature.  She knows that her "adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God: (1 Peter 3-4).

You Don't Have to "Make it Happen"

For years, I lived under subjection to the lie that my singleness was my responsibility.  If I wasn't happy being single, then I needed to do something about it.  I had to make love happen. I had to make a relationship happen. It involved me being a very frustrated single throughout my 20s.

Over the past several years, which coincide with my conversation, God lead me to books and blogs that challenged my previous thoughts about love and relationships.  For the first time I believed and accepted that:

• God is capable of writing my love story--my life story, actually.
• God knows the end from the beginning anyway.
• I don't have to compete or orchestrate or "do" anything.

This notion of doing or pursuing is an inherently masculine trait. All women struggle with this especially since the first woman, Eve, took the initiative and took the forbidden fruit from the evil one.  (Adam's passivity is still suffered by sons of Adam today, but that's for anothe blog post.)  In addition the feminist culture has taught women to be aggressive and create our own way.  In matters of the heart, we are encouraged to hunt and capture our prey.  Even if we don't ascribe to this totally aggressive approach to relationships with the opposite sex, we can still fall under the fear of not doing enough to market ourselves or capture a guy's interest.

As a daughter of the most High God, I don't have to compete.  He orders my steps.  My will is to rest in His will.  "Fiat mini..."  Let it be done to me according to His good pleasure.  What I am called to be is HOLY.  That is my task.  Full stop.  Holiness.  I should be striving for heaven and if God decides a husband will help me to get there, then He will place him on the path.  We will both be living with an eye towards heaven.  

So while I try to look my best or dress well or wear makeup or cultivate my mind, these are not to "catch a man."  These are the effects of living a balanced and ordered life.  What I desire is that a Godly man sees Christ in me and is drawn by that. If he happens to like the outer packaging that's great too.  So no more striving to be noticed. No more trying to be seen.  You will draw everything to yourself just by being yourself and trying to live a holy life.

Queen of Vocations

"As a single woman, I had no question that it was man's responsibility to do the wooing. This meant holding back my natural aggressiveness and trusting God to work in the heart of a man if marriage was in his plan for me. A man, on the other hand, has a different position.  He too must learn to hold back his "hunter" instinct, praying, watching and trusting God to show him what to do and when. When he is shown, he is to act, accepting the demands of his headship and the sacrifice that goes with it." Elisabeth Elliott

Oh, to meet such a man!  A prayerful man who hears from the Holy Spirit about me!  That is why I must pray.  I must go to battle on this man's behalf.  He may be weak or wounded by the culture. His vision may be tainted.  He may not "see" me. Or, he may see me and be afraid to approach me...I believe I have a secret weapon: Our Lady.  I'm invoking her as Queen of Vocations.  I've read so many stories where she guided people by the hand to one another.  Pietro Molla, husband of St. Gianna Molla, begged the Madonna to send him a saintly woman to be the mother of his future children.  Wow. Was his prayer not answered to the max?!?!  Two things strike me about his request: even though he was in his 40s when he started courting Gianna, he believed that he was called to a marriage vocation.  Also, he never stopped praying for that vocation.  Pietro was a shy, introvert and he probably would not have pursued Gianna if he gave into his tendencies. I believe it was his prayers that infused the situation with grace and lead to their overwhelmingly fruitful union.

So I also place my vocation--my future spouse--in the capable hands of Our Lady! I trust in her intercession.

Thoughts on Vocation

Photo Credit: Salt & Light TV

"What is a vocation?  It is a gift from God--it comes from God Himself!  Our concern then should be to know the will of God.  We should enter onto the path that God wills for us, not 'forcing the door' but when God wills and as God wills." St. Gianna Beretta Molla

I love this saint.  Can't get enough of St. Gianna.  She appeals to my feminine heart for so many reasons: she was a professional, wife and mother.  She believed in service and was very involved with Catholic Action for women and girls.  She loved fashion, culture and the arts.  According to her son, Pierluigi, she also liked to drive fast 😀.  She went to daily mass, loved God and lived her faith!  People who know her said she wasn't preachy--she simply lived what she believed.  In generosity, she made the choice to delay the definitive treatment for a benign tumor of her uterus to give life to her 4th child. She was a hero.  What drew me to her is that in my own vocational discernment, I read that she actually thought about being a missionary with her brother.  She prayed to Our Lady at Lourdes in faith and formally met her beloved Pietro on the feast of the Immaculate Conception. If that's not a grace from Our Lady, I don't know what is!

As I wait in faith for God to reveal His will for me, I beg Gianna's intercession as well as Our Lady of Lourdes. Give me the faith to be open to God's will, whatever it is.  Amen.

Let Your Will be Done

Oceans Will Part by Hillsong

If my heart has grown cold
There Your love will unfold
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand
When I'm blind to my way
There Your Spirit will pray
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand


Oceans will part nations come
At the whisper of Your call
Hope will rise glory shown
In my life Your will be done


Present suffering may pass
Lord Your mercy will last
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand
And my heart will find praise
I'll delight in Your way
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand

Advent: A Season for Singles

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I was doing really really well until today, the 4th Sunday of Advent.  Maybe it's because I've been so busy, and on the go that I didn't have much time to feel lonely this holiday season.  However, today after Mass, it just hit one out of nowhere and the weight of my loneliness crushed me.  I went home, took my church clothes off, put on some jammies then went to bed.  The tears started to well up inside, but they didn't fall.  Somehow I dozed off into a restless nap.

I felt angry, hurt, and then resigned--this is it.  This is how it's going to be.  This is my life.  I am alone.  I may always be alone.  Although I feel as if I'm doing my part (living out my faith, partaking of the Sacraments, supporting myself, giving to those in need when I can, mentally and emotionally preparing for marriage/motherhood, putting myself "out there" and making myself "findable") nothing seems to be happening.  The dream of marriage and family seem to be slipping away with every passing day.

I've been receiving Father Robert Barron's Advent reflections which are very poignant, honing in on the feelings of longing and even despair that can accompany a season of waiting.   Singles can really understand the Advent message of waiting and preparation.  Sometimes, we fall short on the hope of Advent as we don't know if our dreams will ever be realized.

However, remember that the difference between our season of waiting and Advent is that we know the outcome of all the long years of waiting that the Israelites endured.  The Messiah was indeed born!  So, we can wait with long faces, uncertain of what will happen during our time on Earth or we can wait expectantly knowing that our hope isn't in this world but in the next.  I know it's hard to look towards the hope of the next life, but we must.  Our value and hope isn't in our marital status or whether we become parents or not.  Our hope is in a Savior who was born 2000 years ago.